


Forget

by tender__salami



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Lots of Angst, M/M, This broke my heart to write, and i had to sneak some ushiten in there, and then sorta got back together, bc i love ushiten, but this fic takes place mainly when they were broken up, i love my boys ok, listen, they broke up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 03:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11222580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tender__salami/pseuds/tender__salami
Summary: He hadn’t seen him in so long, but it was as if they’d never been separated. It felt as if his lungs forgot that they were supposed to breathe normally around him. It was as if his heart forgot not to skip a beat when he came into view. It was like his body forgot that he wasn’t supposed to love him.------In which Iwaizumi and Oikawa are broken up, but Iwaizumi can't forget the whirlwind that is Oikawa Tooru.





	Forget

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry ok please don't hate me.
> 
> i love my boys i don't know why i always make them so sad

He hadn’t seen him in so long, but it was as if they’d never been separated. It felt as if his lungs forgot that they were supposed to breathe normally around him. It was as if his heart forgot not to skip a beat when he came into view. It was like his body forgot that he wasn’t supposed to love him.

Hajime seemed to be forgetting a lot of things during this year’s “Oikawa-takes-a-sporadic-trip-home” week. He was forgetting to be mad at him for not visiting in the past two years, or to be angry that he showed up at his apartment without so much as a call. He was forgetting that he wasn’t allowed to kiss him, or hold him, or call him his (there were plenty of moments when he almost slipped up and did something stupid like that). He was continually forgetting that he wasn’t supposed to be in love with the obnoxious man.

It seemed that they picked up right where they left off, falling into the routine of childhood best friends (but not the lovers they once were). It was back to normal. Back to forgetting the pang of his heart when Oikawa was mentioned. Back to forgetting the sleepless nights spent alone, a gaping hole that a warm body once occupied. Back to forgetting that he was in love with him.

 

 

_“Iwa-chan. Maybe… maybe we should stop.”_

_“Stop what? Shittykawa, what are you talking about?” Hajime was lightly joking. But, as he turned to view the other, he realized it probably wasn’t something to joke about._

_“This. In general. I know my schedule is hurting you. We barely get to see each other. And, well…”_

_Hajime was trying his best not to break down. He couldn’t believe that Tooru was being serious. “Well what?” He sounded gruffer than normal. He was trying not to cry._

_“I got selected for the national team.”_

_“Tooru, that’s amazing!”_

_“I…” Tooru turned his face away from the other’s. A tear slipped down his face and onto his hand. “I’m not going to be able to come home very often. We travel a lot to prepare for the Olympics. It’s not going to work out.”_

_“Is this what you want?”_

_A hesitation. “Yes.”_

_“If it’s what you want, then okay. But Tooru,” his name caused Tooru to look up. “I still love you. I always will. Don’t forget.”_

_“I could never.” And through the tears, they kissed one last time._

 

 

Oikawa walked with a slight hobble, shifting his weight onto his left leg. Hajime asked if he was alright. Oikawa said he was fine, and then Hajime forgot.

He forgot that he was not supposed to look past the perfectly plastered facade. He forgot that he wasn’t allowed to care if Oikawa ran himself into the ground.

He forgot, so he called him out.

“Oikawa, you and I both know that that’s bul-”

“Why do you care?” Oikawa stopped walking and turned his face to Iwaizumi slowly. His eyes were guarded; his eyebrows were knit together; his nose was twitching. His face spelled out one of someone who was trying very hard not to break. Hajime skipped the “trying-very-hard-not-to” part. Hajime did break.

“You know why. You fucking know why, To-, Oikawa,” he scoffed out, coughing slightly to cover his blunder. Oikawa looked down. They would solve this like they solved every other problem in their past: they would forget it.

But Hajime could never forget the sight of two fat teardrops falling on the floor next to Oikawa’s shoes.

They didn’t bring it up after that. It drifted to the back of their minds to mingle with the memories of hushed “I love yous” and soft kisses. They went on as normal. They effectively forgot that it ever even happened.

Well, it appeared that way. Hajime never forgot. It was nagging on the back of his mind, the unsaid words haunting him. Too persistent to forget. Too loud to be ignored. Too alive to be killed.

 

 

_The practice where Oikawa hurt his knee was easily one of the most terrifying moments in Hajime’s life. He was on the side drinking water when he watched the setter jump. He watched as a pained expression flickered across his face. He watched as the boy fell to the ground._

_In an instant, he rushed over to Oikawa, who lay clutching his knee. “Tooru,” he breathed, barely keeping his wits about him, “it’s your knee, isn’t it?”_

_“Yeah,” he laughed, a steady stream of tears coming out of his eyes. “Yeah. It is. I did it. I overworked myself. Oops.”_

_Hajime gently bent down and picked the boy up. He carried him to the nurse’s office, hearing the unimportant protests of his teammates and coaches in the background._

_“What am I going to do with you?” he whispered._

_“Start by kissing the wound,” a grave Oikawa responded, completely serious._

_“I can drop you right now, you know.”_

_A gasp. “You wouldn’t!’_

_“You’re right. I wouldn’t. But, don’t think for a second that you can forget about me nagging you not to overwork yourself.” And then a groan._

 

 

It was a sunny day. The two were sitting in Oikawa’s bed at his parents’ house, and the sun shone in at a perfect angle that highlighted Oikawa’s eyes, lighting them up to show a million different shades of brown and gold. Hajime forgot, for just a moment, everything he had told himself during the four years he and Oikawa had been apart. He forgot about the carefully drawn line that he was not allowed to cross. He forgot that he was not supposed to be desperately in love with him.

It only took a moment to destroy everything. Hajime leaned in, cupping Oikawa’s smiling face, thumb grazing along his cheekbone, and slowly, ever so slowly brought his lips to the other’s. The air that was in his lungs immediately left, and his eyes slipped closed. He could feel returned pressure for a moment before it vanished.

Oikawa pulled back, a look of hurt and pure confusion clear on his face. The quiet, comfortable, familiar mood was instantly shattered. “Hajime...” he trailed off, sounding as breathless as Hajime felt. “Why…?”

He felt his hand drop to his folded knees, and he leaned back, away from the beautiful man in front of him. “I’m… I’m sorry. I forgot.” He looked away, refusing the tears that sprang to his eyes. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t sorry, that he would do it again in a heartbeat. It didn’t matter that he’d remember this for the interim of when Tooru was gone, wishing he could forget it. It didn’t matter that Hajime still loved him.

He got up and left, wondering why he did it in the first place, but knowing somewhere deep in his chest why. He couldn’t forget. There was no way he ever could.

 

 

_The first time they kissed, it was like a fire was being ignited in Hajime’s chest. It was after practice, sometime in the summer of their second year in high school. They were walking home together, talking quietly._

_“Why do you date those girls?” It was a topic that had been bothering him for weeks, although Hajime could never pinpoint why. It must have been because he felt sorry for the girls. “I mean, they never seem to last any longer than what? A month is your longest?”_

_“Why do you care, Iwa-chan? They’re just girls. I like them, they’re pretty. They boost my ego, I guess.”_

_“Yeah, as if you need a bigger ego. Be real, Tooru, why do you break so many hearts?”_

_This seemed to silence the non-stop-talker. He looked away, anywhere but at Hajime. “What if I told you that it wasn’t me who broke their hearts?” They stopped walking. “What if… what if I told you that all of the girls I’ve dated have broken up with me because of one reason? Do you want to know?”_

_Hajime’s breathing stopped. Tooru was creeping closer to him, and he couldn’t clear his head, high off of the scent of Tooru. “Volleyball, right? That’s… that’s what you told me that one time.”_

_“No. It wasn’t volleyball. Are you actually this thick, Hajime?” he teased._

_And then he did it. Hajime grabbed his shirt collar and yanked him down, fitting his lips against the other’s. When they broke away, both were blushing furiously._

_“Hmm,” Oikawa said after a short silence. “You guessed it.” They continued walking home._

 

 

It was the last day that Oikawa would be in town. Hajime tried his best to forget it was, but like most things concerning a certain setter, he couldn’t. Oikawa rooted himself so deeply into the very fiber of his being. It was like riding a bike, or, hell, even playing volleyball: after countless hours of practice and learning, the motions were engraved into your muscles, and you could never forget. Sure, you might get a bit rusty, but it was engraved into your very core.

They hadn’t spoken in the two days since they’d kissed. Hajime hadn’t left his apartment in two days. He was holed up in his room, regretting, but not the kiss. Regretting the wasted chance.

He forgot to eat; he forgot to shower; he forgot to do his work. This was how he forgot to love. This was what he did every time Oikawa graced him with a visit.

But it seemed that Oikawa didn’t want him to forget because he showed up at Hajime’s apartment door at 8 o’clock that night.

When he opened the door, “shocked” was probably not quite the word that would have been applicable. No, he was shocked, and angry (and relieved, disappointed, ecstatic, lovesick). The bubble of emotions stuck in his throat was a combination that had never made an appearance before in any other matter, other than in the case of Oikawa Tooru, who was the last person that Hajime expected to be at his door that night.

He had learned to be surprised after all the years with Oikawa, and to expect surprise, but somehow, he was continually taken aback.

And, as if the man showing up wasn’t surprising enough, he did the unthinkable. He leaned in and chastely pressed their lips together.

  
He leaned back and rested his forehead on the other’s, then whispered, “Four years, Hajime. Give me four years, and then I’ll retire for my health. Then I can come home to you with a few gold medals, and we can build a house somewhere in Miyagi, and we can have children and everything you ever wanted. Four years.” Then, he turned and walked out, closing the door behind him, leaving Hajime wondering what the hell just happened and if Oikawa forgot.

 

 

_“Iwa-chan, look what my mom just sent me!” The lanky boy wrapped himself around his boyfriend on the couch. He clicked to start on the video._

_They were only four years old, and unfortunately, their parents had gotten it on film. Baby Hajime and baby Tooru lay on each other, watching a movie._

_“Tooru,” came the call from Oikawa-san’s voice on the recording. Both boys turned at the sight. “Tell me what you told us earlier.”_

_You could see Tooru’s chest puff up and his face get excited. “When we’re older, I’m gonna marry Hajime!”_

_“Why?” laughed Tooru’s mother. Apparently this stumped the boy, but luckily Hajime was able to step in for him._

_“So we can have a movie night every night!”_

_“Yeah, and eat milk bread for dinner!”_

_The mother laughed and the recording ended._

_“I wouldn’t mind it, you know,” said Tooru._

_“What, the milk bread every night? I know that. I’ve had to tell you no several times already.”_

_“No, not that. I wouldn’t mind getting married.”_

_“Oh.” They stared at each other and grinned. A few kisses later and they were talking about the future. They were going to get a sweet little cottage in the country, and they were gonna adopt a beautiful little girl and boy and raise them to be volleyball players._

 

 

So he waited. He waited and watched the ambitious setter take on the world. He texted and Skyped him when possible. He listened as Oikawa told him what he had been planning: the fact that the doctor said he couldn’t continue in professional athletics for more than a few years, lest he receive a serious and life-altering injury. He listened as Oikawa complained that he couldn’t come home for a long time because of his stupid schedule. Hajime wished he could make it to a few games, but there was no way with his schedule.

He watched his last game, competing for gold overseas in America. He listened to the announcers grieving about the fact that such a talented setter was practically forced to retire so young because of health issues. Silently, Iwaizumi agreed with them (but he knew that the only reason keeping him away from the man was his career). He watched them come out as the victor, and watched the interview afterwards, asking the captain, Ushiwaka, and his setter questions.

(“Anything to say to the folks at home?” The two exchanged looks, a small smile on Oikawa’s lips.

“For Satori,” from the ace.

“And my Iwa-chan~” from the setter. Iwaizumi’s heart stopped working.)

He soon got the text saying that he was about to board the plane. He grinned as he replied to stop being cheesy on international T.V. (and of course that he loved the sap). He waited, with breath bated, for the text saying they had touched down in Tokyo.

The text that never arrived.

He wished he could forget the phone call, but he could remember with clarity the exact moment when Oikawa-san called him in tears. He was washing the dishes, trying so desperately not to get too excited for Tooru’s return.

As Oikawa-san explained that the plane crashed when landing, killing most of the passengers, Hajime could feel the tears rolling down his cheek. His phone slipped out of his hand and plopped into the water. He slid down against the cabinet.

 

 

_“What’s going to happen when I die?” Oikawa’s voice sounded._

_“Idiot, it’s four AM. We have the first day of high school tomorrow. We’re gonna be so tired.”_

_“Yeah, but what’s going to happen? Here? I bet you’ll die before me,” he teased._

_“Oikawa, what the actual hell is going on in your brain right now? You aren’t usually this morbid.” There was silence from the boy on the floor._

_“My sister’s husband died today. Takeru is going to be living with us for a while. She’s so heartbroken. And no one knows what to say to Takeru. He’s going to grow up without a father, Iwa-chan.” Hajime took a deep breath and got out of bed to grab Oikawa onto the bed. The boy was crying._

_Hajime wrapped the other into his arms and held him as he sobbed._

_“I would be sad. I don’t think I would know what to do with myself, actually.” He looked at the boy in his arms, who stared at him with wide eyes. “What is it?”_

_“Nothing. It’s just… when Iwa-chan isn’t being a brute, he can actually be pretty sweet.”_

_“Oh, shut up.” But there is no bite to it. They fall asleep like that, tear stained in each other’s arms._

 

 

He wished that he could forget the news headlines talking about the plane crash that killed most of the Japanese men’s volleyball team. Ushijima was on that plane. So was Tobio. Ushijima died; Tobio survived, barely. Iwaizumi found his way to the hospital to see him.

He knocked, slowly, and entered to see the shrimp sitting at his side. They seemed to have been talking.

“Oh. Iwaizumi-san. It’s nice to see you again… just not under great circumstances,” Tobio spoke gently, and the unsaid apology was hung in the air.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m… well, I’ll get better. The nurse just said it was bad burns. I should be able to play in a year or so.”

“That’s good.” Then he pulled something that would have surprised even Tooru. He walked over and pulled Hinata into a hug. They stayed like that for a little while. He whispered into the redhead’s ear, “Don’t give up this chance. Please.” He wiped some tears as he pulled back and said louder, “Just… love each other. Don’t give lame excuses,” a choked laugh, “Just… love each other.”

They looked at him in awe, growing a bit misty-eyed themselves. Hajime then turned to leave, noticing the way they went to hold hands as he left the room.

 

 

_“Do you think that chibi-chan and Tobio-chan are gonna get together?” Tooru asked the day after they beat Karasuno._

_“Trashykawa, why are you asking that? It’s personal. They may. Who knows?’_

_“Mmmm. Reminds me of another ace/setter combo.” Hajime blushed at the implications and rolled his eyes._

_He avoided eye-contact with Oikawa when, two weeks later, he returned, talking about how “Tobio-chan” called him, the ever-knowing-senpai, for advice on how to confess to the shrimp._

 

 

The service came too soon, and Hajime stood stiffly at the front, where the family of the deceased stood. The police said they couldn’t find a body for many of the dead, so the Oikawas were left grieving with nothing to grieve. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t. After so much crying, he forgot how.

He held Oikawa’s mother as she cried. “He loved you very much, you know,” she whispered.

“I know,” he replied gently. “I love him more than anything.”

“He’d want you to move on. He… he would want you to be happy.”

Hajime smiled gently. Oikawa would probably pretend to be so offended if he went off and found someone new. He could almost hear the joking outrage in his voice. “I know.”

Most of the old volleyball club was there. Hanamaki and Matsukawa stood by him for most of the visitation. They stood by him. That was what he needed. (Later, they would become Hajime’s mothers, making sure he got enough food to eat, and enough sleep, and so on. They would bring him to their apartment to drink--not too much--and remember the whirlwind that was Oikawa Tooru. They always knew what he needed.)

Some of his old rivals attended, too. Tendou Satori shook his hand with a small, broken smile. He didn’t say anything stupid, like apologizing for Tooru’s death as if he was the one who crashed the plane. He felt the weight of his own loss, too. They quietly exchanged numbers, deciding that someone who went through a similar thing would probably be nice to have close at hand.

Hinata attended, along with some of the other Karasuno players. Kageyama was still in the hospital. He spoke with Hajime a bit, shaking his hand and thanking him.

Takeru stood with the family. Hajime hadn’t seen him in a while. The kid he used to know wasn’t a kid anymore; he was in high school now, and was following closely in his uncle’s footsteps. He had joined the volleyball club and even became a setter, with natural skills to match, or even outmatch, Tooru’s own. (Tooru used to joke about how Takeru was actually their kid. He could see why.) Hajime resolved to visit their old high school and help out a bit with the volleyball team. It was probably welcomed.

He watched in silence as Tooru’s shroud was burned. He looked away after a bit. He tried to forget.

 

 

_He remembered all the times when the four third-years would hang out. He remembered when they used to go on adventures and talk loudly late into the night._

_He remembered when Oikawa called Takeru their kid._

_He remembered so many things._

_He didn’t want to. It was too painful._

_He wanted to forget._

 

 

It took a while, along with a few visits from Satori, Takahiro, and Issei, to realized that he couldn’t and didn’t want to forget. There were traces of Tooru everywhere he looked. That creek near his mother’s house was where they used to play when they were children. They would always stop at that convenience store after a hard practice. He passed the tree that sheltered their first kiss every day on the way to work.

He became better friends with Satori, and discovered they had similar stories, although Wakatoshi and he were better at long-distance. They moved in together--it would be less lonely now, and they could keep an eye on each other.

They both slowly learned how to be happy again, but some days were harder than others. It was nice to have someone else’s company; someone who knew what the other was feeling. Someone who acknowledged that they could never find someone else to love; they knew and understood.

Hajime could never forget Tooru; he had no idea how he ever tried. Tooru was a part of him--he was everywhere. He could never forget what it was like to kiss him, sweaty after practice. He could never forget the feeling in his chest when he awoke to see Tooru’s massive bedhead. He could never forget the sound of Tooru’s ridiculous “Iwa-chan~”. It was impossible.

He could never forget how to love Oikawa Tooru.

 

 

_It was a lazy afternoon. They both decided to stay in for the day, cuddled up in their shared bed._

_“Iwa-chan~” Tooru had called._

_“Idiot, I’m literally right next to you. You don’t have to yell.” It was supposed to be a threatening exchange, but there was no malice in it._

_Tooru rolled over and smiled at him, reaching to touch his face. “Yeah, you are,” he hummed._

_Scrunching his eyebrows up at the cryptic reply (and having them immediately smoothed down by the nuisance right in front of him), Hajime replied, “Yeah. Did you forget?”_

_“Momentarily.”_

_“Well, that’s stupid. You can’t forget me.”_

_“I could try,” Tooru joked._

_“Yeah but it wouldn’t work. I’m around you too much.”_

_“Mmm. I don’t think I could ever forget you, Hajime.”_

_“Good. I couldn’t either.”_

_They cuddled closer, happy to be in each other’s warmth._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank my lovely betas: my amazing irl friends sarah (sigh-cic on tumblr) and mali (malo-melons on tumblr); the ever wonderful yukikija (ao3) / wakan-nai (tumblr); the splendid annie (twaew on ao3 and tumblr) ; and of course, the lovely cyianodiy (tumblr and ao3) so you should go follow all of them because they are wonderful and kind people for putting up with me, a crazy writer
> 
> anyways,,,, i love ushiten (so of course i snuck it in there) and i kill for a wakatoshi/tooru friendship after high school when theyve matured and a satori/iwa friendship bc come on its wonderful i will fight you on this
> 
> so, please follow my anime blog on tumblr (tender--salami) and come scream about it with me!! you can send me prompts and requests on there too!!


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